http://www.facebook.com/joshwmartin?r
It was filmed three years ago when Big Al was, well, BIG. He's lost over a hundred pounds since then, and he's gonna be mortified that I'm posting these screen grabs from back when he was fat (since he's all svelte and studly now), but I have to! I need to show you why I literally and figuratively fell over the first time Al appeared on screen:
Holy crap, man - dude is ME! I am him! We are each other! The forehead, the eyebrows, the cheekbones, the nose shape - hell, we even get fat the same way (note to self, continue losing weight). Down to the long goatee, even! How wild is that?!?!? I'm freaking out! I love it.
The DVD itself is all kindsa copy protected, so I'm gonna have to do one of those awful, film-the-tv-with-my-phone youtube videos of it, but I'll get a version of that sucker posted if it kills me.
I'm pretty gay.
The big news is...MY BIOLOGICAL FATHER FRIENDED ME ON FACEBOOK YESTERDAY AND WE MET (OVER THE PHONE) FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME EVER LAST NIGHT!!!!! WHOO HOO! Those of you in the Boulder City/Las Vegas area may know him as Big Al Stevens, proprietor of The World Famous Coffee Cup diner, which was featured on Food Network's "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives," even!
We've only chatted for about 20 minutes, so there's a LOT of catching up to be done, but he seems like a totally cool dude, for realz! Did I mention he's a biker and a surfer? With tattoos and a long goatee (usually, but the guy just beat cancer - yay! - so he's un-goat-ed right now), who loves coffee in the morning and gin & tonic in the evening? Sound like anyone you know? Freaking. Awesome.
Plus, it turns out I've got a handful of half-siblings, too! Yowzah! I don't think they've all heard the news yet, so this post may be kind of a surprise to them, but I got the go-ahead from the man himself to spill the beans, so I'm spillin'! Hey guys and gal!
I'm overwhelmed, and giddy, and more energetic than I've been, well, since the last time this happened when my biological mother discovered me a couple years back. It's a wonderful, warm feeling, truly. And to be able to experience it TWICE in a lifetime is remarkable, to say the least.
Some of my first words to him, btw: "Holy crapballs!" I'm nothing if not dignified.
Please join me in welcoming Mr. Alan "Big Al" Stevens into my life and vice-versa, y'alls!
Whew!
Day 1 = flew to Boston & spent night in motel since it was too late to drive anywhere. Converted to the church of Xanax because OMG that shit works. I can fly anywhere now.
Day 2 = Drove over to Salem and toodled around for a couple hours. Got free parking thanks to tip from local, Gavin. Were sad because aforementioned local was himself out of town. Saw the kooky sculpture garden thing. Fell in love with the GPS function of Skyler's phone, even though she couldn't actually pronounce the word "go," and it sounded more like "dro." "Dro point five miles and turn right." Etc.
Day 2, pt 2 = Drove to parents' house in Maine. Was considerably less impressed with the beauty of Maine now that I live in the equally gorgeous PNW. Dad seemed a bit older, Susan was exactly the same. House was the same as I remember. Had wine, had lobster (perfectly prepared, cuz Susan's faboo at the cooking, but bleh - apparently we no likey the sea bugs), had conversation, met their five (FIVE!!!) dogs, had cognac, fell asleep before Sky for perhaps the first time in history. Did I mention how much I love Xanax?
Day 3 = Drove around peninsula with Dad. Saw lighthouse. Sky accidentally knocked sunglasses off my hat onto the rocks below. Funny! Had pumpkin ice cream. Decided against the 3+ hour ferry ride to Vinalhaven island. Took off on our own & photographed an abandoned car parts store. Were pleasantly creeped out. Photos to follow.
Day 3, pt 2 = Watched dogs do agility trials in back yard of Dad's house. Mistakenly thought I avoided getting eaten alive by mosquitos. Were served possibly biggest pieces of lasagna in history of planet. More wine. More chatting with the 'rents. Nice evening. Tried to interest stepmom & dad in our volunteer work with cats, but they're dyed-in-the-wool dog people - didn't care much. Received as a gift an original piece of art by Leo Rabkin for our housewarming present! Neato!
Day 4 = Drove to Provincetown. GPS kept telling us our signal was weak as if we could do anything about it. Bitch. Traffic caused by construction on bridge outside of Boston made drive take an hour longer than usual. Dumb. Listened to lots of Bee Gees for some reason. Funny. Checked into Big Gay Guest House which also housed gay bar, gay dance club, & presumably gay piano lounge. Were confused at straight couples also checking in. Perfect room, though! Perfect central location.
Day 4, pt 2 = Strolled around Ptown, held hands! Sidewalk was too small, seriously. Gays everywhere. More lesbians than gay men. Also straights everywhere. More straights than gays. Also obviously gay gay gay gay GAY husbands with unsuspecting (?) wives everywhere. No, seriously. Bizarre. Also saw more than a handful of transvestites, which was sorta sweet. All types inhabit Ptown. ALL. Got ogled by very cute biker-bearish barber as we walked by his shop.
Day 4, pt 3 = Had wonderful salmon & snow peas dinner at neat outdoor eatery. Ginger lime martini. More strolling & hand holding. Dessert & more martinis at another eatery. Cranky hostess but nice martinis! Back to guest house bar for gin & tonics and power nap amid the surprisingly endearing noise of the bar outside our window and the Barbra-singing piano bar guy downstairs. Out to Huge Gay Dance Club for peoplewatching & beers. Watched bad Cher drag queen host best buns contest. One of the four finallists was the transwoman who got her boobs out. I did say there were ALL types represented in Ptown, right? Stumbled home quite drunk. Laughed ourselves to sleep doing southern accents for some reason.
Day 5 = Woke up with brain tumor-style headache. Vowed not to mix so many types of alcohol again. Took 800 mg ibuprofen & went back to bed. Woke up better - finally. Had continental b'fast in guest house lobby & were still a bit bit puzzled by all the straights hanging out. Got real coffee at a cute espresso place & hit each & every art gallery and gift shop we could find. Had fun being touristy. Saw a piece of art by Matthew Menger we both immediately fell in love with. Like seriously. Reeeeeeally loved it. Laughed at possibility of spending a few hundred bucks on art and more for shipping it to Seattle. More strolling & holding hands. More men out & about. Sky got the world's most decadent ice cream cone. Had Cuban sandwich at super cafe and got best seat in house for peoplewatching. Felt fabulous. Went back to gallery that had the piece that we liked.....and actually BOUGHT THE PIECE OF ART OMG OMG OMG!!!!! Got our picture taken by lovely lesbian couple in Asian garden. So sweet of them. More galleries, more strolling, bought a bottle of wine at a wine shop, ate a piece of pizza, petted some dogs, yadda yadda, back to the room for naps.
Day 5, pt 2 = Got yelled at by bartender at guest house for bringing bottle of wine into bar area for him to uncork. Is apparently rather illegal - no such concept as corkage fee in Massachusetts like there is in California. Even in guest house where you are, in fact, a guest. Oh well. Got corkscrew from front desk, opened bottle, drank wine in room anyway. Was VERY tasty. Watched movies on laptop. Dinner at Napi's whose website caught our eye just because it had kitties on its logo, but zillions of positive Yelp reviews (from locals, no less) convinced us. Was SO worth it. Wonderful, delicious, eclectic, fun, satisfying, decadent, perfect. Were also real live kitties hanging around outside restaurant to pet while we waited - bonus! If you're ever there, get the Brazilian steak. Be sure to make reservations.
Day 5, pt 3 = Walked on pier. Touched Atlantic ocean. Got cornered outside Tiny Gay Leather Bar by intensely unfunny drag queen/Ptown local character who Would. Not. Shut. Up. Decided not to go to any more bars for drinks. Horrifyingly bad piano bar singer at guest house this time around. Sounded like Neil Diamond. Fancied wholesale slaughter of heretofore cherished 80's tunes. Offkey drunk girl sang every song with him, word for word, all night long. Wanted to debark her. Didn't take a break the whole evening. Ended at 1am. Discovered leak in bathroom ceiling, management was baffled. Didn't move us to another room, but did offer to refund us some of our money. Ceiling stayed intact, but light fixture filled with water. Yikes!
Day 6 = First day with any overcast or rain. At breakfast, realized the three, crusty, fortysomething, Bostonian, retired policeman-types staying in our guest house down the hall actually were gay when we heard them talking about going to the tea dance the night before. Damn, those were some straight-acting gays. Drove to Boston in the rain. Flew home with no incident. Were promptly forgiven for being gone so long by JJ. Aw.
Had drinks and laughs at Stan & Dan's fabulous new house/art gallery to kick it all off (bet you guys didn't realize you were having a "Happy First Day Of Vacation" party for us, did you?), then had a fun day all over the city today - libraries (3 of 'em), lunch, coffee, and a speedy self guided tour of Brix, the fancy new condo complex that we looked at for fun before we bought this place. I mean, we never in a zillion years could have afforded even the smallest unit there, and their HOA dues are ridiculously high, but at that point in our search, they were about the prettiest thing we'd ever seen.
So it was really fun to be able to go inside like 30 of the still-unsold units and see what we'd missed out on, now that we're on the other side of the homeowner fence (did that even remotely work as a turn of phrase?). And some were quite nice for what they were, for sure. But even better than getting to be all voyeuriffic inside those units was realizing that the home we ended up buying is SO much better for us (not to mention bigger, more private, more customizable, and half as expensive) than even the biggest, fanciest unit available in that place that we no longer have any residual Brix envy like we used to. Like none at all. Hooray, we win!
I also got two really great wine glasses this afternoon - they're enormous and rad and I've wanted them forever and now that I have them I love them immensely. And for as big and bulby and schmancy as they look, they were only 7 bucks each. Score. I'll probably break both of them before the year is through cuz they seem fairly delicate and most of the stuff we've had until now has been more or less bulletproof, but man they're nice.
Oh, and I gave the Xanax a trial run yesterday afternoon to get a feel for what dosage I'd need for the flight. Other than making me feel a teensy bit sleepy, one tablet didn't really seem to have any obvious effect on me. But I did notice that when I tried to freak myself out by looking at planes flying overhead or picturing ourselves boarding one, there wasn't the usual amount of instapanic that's normally there, so I think two pills the morning of the flight should be just peachy. Drugs are neat.
So every time I see this commercial, all I can think is that the car is the piece of food being digested, and the thousands of mindlessly undulating bodies are the villi that line the intestine wall, pushing it along. Squicks me all the way out. Seriously, it's icky! And I don't even know what to think about the creepy, blooming polyp things along the way. Yuck yuck yuck.
These are unretouched photos from just last year, and girlfriend is 69 years old this week!
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